Summer is here again and that can only mean one thing. Hollywood has dispensed with their unusually awful parade of movies in favor of flicks where copious amounts of shit are blown to hell and bullets are fired by the boatload. So in honor of this cherished season, I’ve opted to highlight some of the bigger name flicks that have hit theaters this May.
Fast Five
Ok so technically this flick came out almost a month ago but it deserves an honorable mention for cobbling together a movie out of spare parts (no pun intended…unless you found that hilarious then fuck it, I meant it). As most of you know, Fast Five is the 5th outing (no shit) of The Fast and the Furious series. Again I don’t think I’m burying the lead by letting you know the series is about fast cars and angry people. The whole movie is basically an amalgamation of “The Italian Job” and every “Ocean’s” movie if it was made for meatheads with short attention spans.
Why it works: The 5th outing in the series is one of the strongest for 2 reasons. 1. The producers finally figured out that if you throw enough C-list actors at the wall (Tyrese, Ludicrous, Paul Walker and Jordana Brewster) and let them go crazy, someone will pay attention. 2. Vin Diesel and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson wailing on each other is…well it’s awesome. Re-read that last sentence for a second. Two gigantic mother fuckers named “Vin Diesel” and “The Rock” respectively, punching one another in the face. Yeah if you have testicles you want to see that go down don’t you? Boom, half the population suckered into ticket sales already.
Thor
The God of Thunder makes his feature film debut. Comic book nerds, disciples of the church of Norse mythology and lovers of Thursday unite! Also, if you get that last reference, good for you. I want you on my Trivial Pursuit team.
Why it works: Since the first “Blade” flick came out over a decade ago, Hollywood has eaten up all things comic book related.*
Thor is no exception. Not necessarily a marquee character in the Marvel mythos over the last several years, Thor is still an essential part of the upcoming Avengers extravaganza which will have uber-nerds (myself included) sexually aroused for all the wrong reasons, but I digress.
Also in the plus column, Thor is helmed by the in-house creative team from Marvel who has yet to put out a bad flick. All you need to know about Thor is that he rocks a cape and swings a gigantic, magical hammer. Put it on celluloid. Back trucks up to the theaters to collect the piles of money. Rinse. Repeat.
*The lion’s share of these pictures has raked in cash hand over fist. On the other hand, some of these movies have put the lives’ of their creators in mortal peril because of their awfulness. Yeah I’m looking at you Mark Steven Johnson, director of Ghost Rider, I know that movie came out 4 years ago but John Milligan holds grudges! Sleep with one eye open…*
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Johnny Depp returns as Capt. Jack Sparrow for more high seas shenanigans. While the “Pirates” series started out with a bang, the franchise has slowly but surely forsaken all of its good will with increasingly convoluted plot lines and an overabundance of bullshit. This time Capt. Jack and company make a play for the fabled Fountain of Youth while the legendary pirate Blackbeard serves as the movie’s main antagonist.
Why it works? It doesn’t. Obviously it is much easier (and more fun for that matter) to tear a bad movie a new one, but I didn’t want to with this flick. I genuinely wanted to like this movie. I absolutely loved the first “Pirates” outing and have even gone so far as to defend the sequels, but not this time.
It’s hard for me to pinpoint what’s good about this movie. The plot and character motivations seem like an elaborate joke. I waited 2 hours for some big twist ala M. Night Shamaylan where we find out the whole movie took place in a snow globe and the new movie, complete with actual plot and interesting characters would be starting shortly. Sadly, that moment never came.
Geoffrey Rush has opted to follow his brilliant turn in “The King’s Speech” by phoning it in as Capt. Barbosa. And I never thought I would say this, but never has a movie been so hampered by the absence of Keira Knightly and Orlando Bloom. Instead we’re force fed a love story between a dedicated missionary and a carnivorous mermaid; wish I was joking about that. Trust me when I say it is much much much worse than it sounds.
The Hangover: Part II
The gang from the first “Hangover” is back in action. This time the guys cavort through Bangkok, Thailand in a drug-fueled blackout causing unbelievable mayhem whilst losing Stu’s (Ed Helms) future brother-in-law.
Why it works: “The Hangover” seems to resonate with a wide audience, probably because any individual over the age of 20 worth their salt has had an experience similar to the film’s cast. Personally I find it’s a lot easier to identify with the guy who gets hammered, wakes up hating life and faces a slew of consequences as opposed to the Norse God of Thunder. But hey that’s me
However, “The Hangover: Part II” does have one glaring mistake: IT’S THE SAME EXACT MOVIE AS THE FIRST ONE. Go ahead and let the “all caps + post colon sentence” sink in. I’m not exaggerating when I write that either.
I imagine preproduction went a little something like this:
Bigwig Studio Exec: I like the bearded guy and that baby. What’s funnier than a baby in sunglasses?
Writers: A monkey smoking a cigarette?
Bigwig Studio Exec: Book it. Damn…I’m good.
Far be it from me to tell Hollywood hotshots how to do their jobs, especially when their first outing in the series becomes the highest grossing R-rated comedy of all time, but there is such a thing as adhering too closely to the original. Whoever green lit the “Hangover” sequel not only believes in the old saying “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” but likely has the words tattooed on his or her face.
I think it’s a safe bet to say that if you enjoyed the first “Hangover” you’ll enjoy the sequel. Just don’t expect any surprises.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Jersey Shore: Not as Bad as Al-Qaeda...but Close.
It’s been said that “for evil to triumph, good men must do nothing”. One may think I’m referring to the conflict in Libya or general unrest in the Middle East. If only this blog were dedicated to something as simple as world peace. No my personal stand is against the evils perpetrated on the public by the cast of Jersey Shore, Rebecca Black and the unfortunate rise of bargain basement celebrity.
Like most, for years I was content to say “Yeah Jersey Shore is stupid; ignore it and once the novelty wears off people will forget all about them.” However, that was until I saw Nicole “Snookie” Polizzi on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Being a journalism student with a concentration in magazines, I felt personally attacked.
This probably isn’t the timeliest rant is it? As it stands the Jersey Shore crew is about to commence filming on season 4 and respectable print journalists from publications like the New York Times have lambasted the Shore crew much more eloquently than I could ever hope to. I probably missed the boat arguing for the execution of all those involved with Shore but as long as they continue to film, I will continue to bitch. That, my friends, is a promise. Also, just because it continues to exist doesn’t mean it should be tolerated. Every few months someone should remind the public that these people are neither normal nor role models. When the president opens every State of the Union address it should begin “My fellow Americans, the state of the union is _____ and every member of the Jersey Shore is an unequivocal bag of douche.”
I like to think the majority of folks don’t watch Jersey Shore or at least recognize they are possibly the most evil program to be placed on television since Christian Slater’s “My Own Worst Enemy” (I’ve been told the pilot was written by Lucifer himself). However, as it stands, Jersey Shore ranks as MTV’s most popular series to date. Over the past few years this has puzzled even the most knowledgeable of pop culture enthusiasts (although I’m fairly certain Revelation makes mention of Stupidity being the 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse).
To a lesser degree, this celebration of all things idiotic leads me to the issue of Rebecca Black. If you don’t know who Rebecca Black is, good for you, but she happens to be a 13-year-old girl who recorded possibly the stupidest song of all time and has since become a YouTube and iTunes sensation.
Forget identity theft and electronic terrorism, this is the biggest problem with the information age. Every talentless jackass around the world now has a means of broadcasting their awfulness. From the god awful vocal styling’s of Rebecca Black to hack writers with blogs who…whoops, may be showing too much of my hand with this point. Seriously though, for every decently funny clip that makes it to YouTube (almost always of someone hurting themselves in hilarious fashion), there are thousands of videos that further bolster my case for licensing people before allowing them to procreate.
The question that really keeps me up though has to be: When did we start celebrating these people?! 400 hundred years ago they didn’t celebrate the village idiot and shower him or her with money, recognition, magazine covers, etc. They pelted that person with small rocks until they left town or died. Fucking rocks! Now people equivalent to village idiots make tens of thousands of dollars.
How I long for the days when you had to be good at something to be famous. Even to be infamous you had to do something noteworthy. Al Capone was a terrible and morally bankrupt individual, but you know what, the guy was good at bootlegging alcohol and killing people. Am I advising that you go out and start a murderous killing spree to gain national attention? No. However, if it keeps you from posting your dumbass movie parodies on the Internet, I’ll take the first bullet.
Again, maybe I am way behind on this but the buildup has been a long time coming. When Jerry Springer’s show began gaining national attention, I was too young to care and looked the other way. When William Hung from American Idol was screeching like a retarded hyena and obviously stood no chance of becoming a professional singer, I again wrote it off as a fluke when he secured a record deal. It shames me to admit that when Flavor of Love was at the height of its popularity *sigh* I too watched with morbid curiosity. To some degree I blame myself for allowing this to flourish.
Collectively it’s high time we turn the tide of programming, stop celebrating the talentless and demand that the cast of Jersey Shore be stoned to death. Just kidding…no I’m not.
Like most, for years I was content to say “Yeah Jersey Shore is stupid; ignore it and once the novelty wears off people will forget all about them.” However, that was until I saw Nicole “Snookie” Polizzi on the cover of Rolling Stone Magazine. Being a journalism student with a concentration in magazines, I felt personally attacked.
This probably isn’t the timeliest rant is it? As it stands the Jersey Shore crew is about to commence filming on season 4 and respectable print journalists from publications like the New York Times have lambasted the Shore crew much more eloquently than I could ever hope to. I probably missed the boat arguing for the execution of all those involved with Shore but as long as they continue to film, I will continue to bitch. That, my friends, is a promise. Also, just because it continues to exist doesn’t mean it should be tolerated. Every few months someone should remind the public that these people are neither normal nor role models. When the president opens every State of the Union address it should begin “My fellow Americans, the state of the union is _____ and every member of the Jersey Shore is an unequivocal bag of douche.”
I like to think the majority of folks don’t watch Jersey Shore or at least recognize they are possibly the most evil program to be placed on television since Christian Slater’s “My Own Worst Enemy” (I’ve been told the pilot was written by Lucifer himself). However, as it stands, Jersey Shore ranks as MTV’s most popular series to date. Over the past few years this has puzzled even the most knowledgeable of pop culture enthusiasts (although I’m fairly certain Revelation makes mention of Stupidity being the 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse).
To a lesser degree, this celebration of all things idiotic leads me to the issue of Rebecca Black. If you don’t know who Rebecca Black is, good for you, but she happens to be a 13-year-old girl who recorded possibly the stupidest song of all time and has since become a YouTube and iTunes sensation.
Forget identity theft and electronic terrorism, this is the biggest problem with the information age. Every talentless jackass around the world now has a means of broadcasting their awfulness. From the god awful vocal styling’s of Rebecca Black to hack writers with blogs who…whoops, may be showing too much of my hand with this point. Seriously though, for every decently funny clip that makes it to YouTube (almost always of someone hurting themselves in hilarious fashion), there are thousands of videos that further bolster my case for licensing people before allowing them to procreate.
The question that really keeps me up though has to be: When did we start celebrating these people?! 400 hundred years ago they didn’t celebrate the village idiot and shower him or her with money, recognition, magazine covers, etc. They pelted that person with small rocks until they left town or died. Fucking rocks! Now people equivalent to village idiots make tens of thousands of dollars.
How I long for the days when you had to be good at something to be famous. Even to be infamous you had to do something noteworthy. Al Capone was a terrible and morally bankrupt individual, but you know what, the guy was good at bootlegging alcohol and killing people. Am I advising that you go out and start a murderous killing spree to gain national attention? No. However, if it keeps you from posting your dumbass movie parodies on the Internet, I’ll take the first bullet.
Again, maybe I am way behind on this but the buildup has been a long time coming. When Jerry Springer’s show began gaining national attention, I was too young to care and looked the other way. When William Hung from American Idol was screeching like a retarded hyena and obviously stood no chance of becoming a professional singer, I again wrote it off as a fluke when he secured a record deal. It shames me to admit that when Flavor of Love was at the height of its popularity *sigh* I too watched with morbid curiosity. To some degree I blame myself for allowing this to flourish.
Collectively it’s high time we turn the tide of programming, stop celebrating the talentless and demand that the cast of Jersey Shore be stoned to death. Just kidding…no I’m not.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Please Don't Write a Sequel to "Titanic"...
Every year Hollywood churns out dozens upon dozens of movies. Unfortunately for the American public, the majority of these films suck something awful. Of course I’m stating the obvious here but the fact of the matter is that we can no longer afford to blindly trust Hollywood big wigs to produce serviceable material. That is why I would like to share a little trick with you wonderful people that I have been employing for years to amazing results. Write your own epilogues to movies!
For example, take the Keanu Reeves picture The Replacements. For those of you that haven’t seen said flick, let me ruin it for you right here and now. Keanu stars as Shane Falco, a washed up college quarterback who gets a second chance at the pros as a scab player when the teams stage a league wide strike. Underdogs unite, inspiration is sprinkled throughout, rag tag teammates defeat defending champs blah blah blah only to have the former players come back and Falco finds himself back at square one: credits. Depressing? Slightly, but it doesn’t have to be. As far as I’m concerned Shane was picked up by a team as a backup QB where he served out the remainder of his career without incident and ended up as a guest analyst on Monday night football who occasionally sits in for Jimmie Johnson while J.J. jet sets around the world hocking Extenz. Now there’s the closure I’ve been searching for! I feel better already and saved $9.50. Nearly ten dollars that can now be spent on nine and half dollar dogs or one gallon of gas (yeah I got topical for a minute…dollar dogs are a hot button issue for me).
Still not satisfied? The end of the underrated flick District 9 leaves much to the imagination. Spoiler alerts abound as I butcher the summary for this movie. Regular guy, Wikkus, gets shot in the face with alien goop (that phrase alone should leave your imagination reeling) and slowly begins to transform into one of the oppressed visitors whilst doing battle with mercenaries, the government and the loss of his humanity. Excellent movie with an open ending that begs for further interpretation. Maybe Wikkus is eventually turned back into his human form? Maybe he shacks up with his estranged wife and starts some kind of bizarre interspecies family? That literally took seconds to write and I am thoroughly pleased with myself and mildly entertained to boot! The wonder of imagination triumphs over greedy Hollywood fat cats once again.
These ideas still not painting a clear enough picture for you? Well let us look at a film like Furry Vengeance staring Brendan Fraser. I like to imagine that after the credits finished rolling every fictional character, animal and CGI critter died screaming in a tremendous brush fire that consumed the forest and surrounding homes. I hate this movie, and I’ve only ever seen the trailer. If there is justice in this world then the executive that green lit that picture is in a Burbank basement right now being water boarded hourly.
This leads to my next point; critiquing the bottom rung of film is easy, reworking great works of cinema is not a good idea. Please take this to heart before you start tacking on afterthoughts to Citizen Kane.
Still not satisfied? The end of the underrated flick District 9 leaves much to the imagination. Spoiler alerts abound as I butcher the summary for this movie. Regular guy, Wikkus, gets shot in the face with alien goop (that phrase alone should leave your imagination reeling) and slowly begins to transform into one of the oppressed visitors whilst doing battle with mercenaries, the government and the loss of his humanity. Excellent movie with an open ending that begs for further interpretation. Maybe Wikkus is eventually turned back into his human form? Maybe he shacks up with his estranged wife and starts some kind of bizarre interspecies family? That literally took seconds to write and I am thoroughly pleased with myself and mildly entertained to boot! The wonder of imagination triumphs over greedy Hollywood fat cats once again.
These ideas still not painting a clear enough picture for you? Well let us look at a film like Furry Vengeance staring Brendan Fraser. I like to imagine that after the credits finished rolling every fictional character, animal and CGI critter died screaming in a tremendous brush fire that consumed the forest and surrounding homes. I hate this movie, and I’ve only ever seen the trailer. If there is justice in this world then the executive that green lit that picture is in a Burbank basement right now being water boarded hourly.
This leads to my next point; critiquing the bottom rung of film is easy, reworking great works of cinema is not a good idea. Please take this to heart before you start tacking on afterthoughts to Citizen Kane.
1. Do not rewrite the end of universally accepted classic works of film!
I think this rule pretty much speaks for itself. I may very well be the greatest writing mind of the 21st century (a young Ernest Hemingway, sans the talent and twice drinking problem) and even I’m not attempting to spice up the ending of The Shining, The Shawshank Redemption or The Departed. In that same spirit…
2. 9 times out of 10; Don’t try to write epilogues for movies that start with “The”
I’m not sure what it is about the word “The” that lends movies/this blog an air of credibility but it seems to do wonders. The A-Team, The Expendables and The Proposal…these may lack the aforementioned prestige but they’re still pretty solid flicks. Definitely the exceptions to the rule though, go ahead and write conclusions until you’re blue in the face. Hell, if you make even a half decent hack job out of it you can pass it off as a not yet released screen play for the sequel. While you’re creating these mostly plagiarized works, also remember that…
3. Once you’ve come up with an epilogue, stick to it with ferocious conviction
I once convinced someone that everyone dies at the end of A League of Their Own just because I said it convincingly. Not that I wish any ill will on Tom Hanks, Penny Marshall, Madonna, etc. Quite the contrary really, I love that movie. The point is that once you formulate a pseudo-ending in your mind, stick to it and tell it like it’s the gospel! Let’s face it, 99% of the time people will believe what you say as long as you believe what you’re saying is true. A decent line of bullshit and absolute conviction has fooled many an idiot. Now I’ve stated the very obvious and summarized political tactics used the world over since the beginning of time: and you thought you wouldn’t learn anything today? However, there are certain stipulations to wielding such creative power…
4. When creating an epilogue, try to keep it within the realm of believability
Everyone loves the movie Titanic. That’s not a generalization; it’s a widely accepted fact. Two talented actors that are easy on the eyes, a doomed romance, the loss of a man made marvel and tasteful nudity. What’s not to love? Walking away from the theater I didn’t start concocting scenarios where in after Rose passes in her sleep, Bill Paxton and crew raise the lost liner using giant balloons, find Leo’s preserved corpse and bring it back to life through some miracle of modern science. Well now I have but you see where I’m going with this. Bordering on poor taste and lacking believability, this situation is a tough sell for even the most silver tongued son-of-a-bitch.
Well there you have it. I give you a beginner’s guide to making shit up, lying about it and perverting the artistic vision of filmmaking professionals, or techniques that I am officially referring to as the Hollywood Trifecta.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
If first impressions are as important as I think...I'm already screwed.
There is no easy way to start a blog. Call this a cop out to having not been clever enough to actually create a real introduction if you must, but trust me when I tell you that I have considered this from many angles and none provide you, the reader, with an adequate explanation of how your world is about to change for having clicked on this link. Alright, in the interest of full disclosure, your world will probably not considerably change nor will this simple blog constructed by a simple man do much to rock your very existence. For those of you looking for some life altering affirmation, please exit quietly to the left. However, for those of you who share a passion for random everyday musings, movies and far too much attention to detail, welcome to the show.
For the few of you who do not know, and I am assuming there are only 3 to 4 of you because only someone who knows me would do the kindness of reading this drivel, my name is John. I am a twenty something freelance idea man and a soon to be a journalism major at Kent State University. Since it has been five or six years since I wrote anything longer than 160 characters that was not liberally sprinkled with emoticons (... :-) last one I swear), I figured creating a blog would be good practice for getting back into the habit of writing without having to buy and commit to a diary.
First of all, when anyone brings the notion of a diary to mind I either immediately think of a 12 year old girl laying on her bed making love notes in the margins of a pink leather-bound book or one of the founding fathers sitting by candlelight describing their motivations for establishing the principles of democracy. Now whilst I may have the same cinematic tastes of some of the more mature preteens (come on people you know Harry Potter is fucking awesome) and much of the brilliance of Benjamin Franklin (except that he had pretty aggressive syphilis, just Ben...not me...really!) the idea of a diary/journal puts me off. Also, I may just be narcissistic enough to believe that everyone should be privy to my thoughts, feelings and opinions. Therefore this will be my grand contribution to society. You hear that society?! I don't pay taxes and I don't do community service so this is all you'll get from me! So with our introductions out of the way maybe it’s time to move on to the content you can expect from yours truly.
First of all, when anyone brings the notion of a diary to mind I either immediately think of a 12 year old girl laying on her bed making love notes in the margins of a pink leather-bound book or one of the founding fathers sitting by candlelight describing their motivations for establishing the principles of democracy. Now whilst I may have the same cinematic tastes of some of the more mature preteens (come on people you know Harry Potter is fucking awesome) and much of the brilliance of Benjamin Franklin (except that he had pretty aggressive syphilis, just Ben...not me...really!) the idea of a diary/journal puts me off. Also, I may just be narcissistic enough to believe that everyone should be privy to my thoughts, feelings and opinions. Therefore this will be my grand contribution to society. You hear that society?! I don't pay taxes and I don't do community service so this is all you'll get from me! So with our introductions out of the way maybe it’s time to move on to the content you can expect from yours truly.
Do not let the movie star-esque good looks fool you, behind this chiseled Polish chin lies the brain of an unapologetic nerd. As is, my knowledge as a functioning adult is mostly regulated to movies, comics, random pop culture information and miscellaneous arguments provided by my peers. I provide myself to the public as an authority on all things cinematic and comic book related for people that are most likely already jaded by the overexposure of said cross-overs. So be prepared for more information you already don't care about!
Regarding unusual and different arguments and their content, how many of us have wished that there was an impartial source to debate the merits of crunchy versus creamy peanut butter? How often has the general public remained in a state of undue tension waiting for the answer to which is more festive, white or multicolored Christmas lights? The answer, or at the very least a somewhat humorous (likely only in my own opinion) perspective on, will be available in this blog and this blog only! This is less a formal commentary on any one subject and more a half-assed attempt to explore all things that make the day to day more important to everyone.
I personally find that when asking someone a question about their more "sacred" views such as religion or politics you'll get a rather ambiguous answer. "Oh yeah I like so and so but my real beliefs are...blah blah blah". However, ask a complete stranger if they prefer Coke or Pepsi and you may find yourself receiving a very visceral and personalized answer. Something about the mundane details of everyday life empower those who hold them dear, and those are the passionate arguments I want to bring to the forefront of your consciousness. Nothing is more fun to debate then mostly irrelevant personal choices!
As for other consistent material? I believe in a community type forum to find my inspiration. Yes its lazy but if I had my way every blog would be about some ridiculously nerdy endeavor and I have yet to crawl into that "basement blogger" mentality.
That brings no ill will toward basement bloggers who I'm sure I share more than a few common threads with...except that I'm writing this in a living room and have a girlfriend! Sucks to be you weirdoes! So please do not hesitate to email me with any and all suggestions. Want to see how proficient I am at recalling and imparting my views on terrible movies? Ask about that. Want to humiliate me by asking me to dissect the most basic of junior high algebra equations? Inquire within!
Regarding unusual and different arguments and their content, how many of us have wished that there was an impartial source to debate the merits of crunchy versus creamy peanut butter? How often has the general public remained in a state of undue tension waiting for the answer to which is more festive, white or multicolored Christmas lights? The answer, or at the very least a somewhat humorous (likely only in my own opinion) perspective on, will be available in this blog and this blog only! This is less a formal commentary on any one subject and more a half-assed attempt to explore all things that make the day to day more important to everyone.
I personally find that when asking someone a question about their more "sacred" views such as religion or politics you'll get a rather ambiguous answer. "Oh yeah I like so and so but my real beliefs are...blah blah blah". However, ask a complete stranger if they prefer Coke or Pepsi and you may find yourself receiving a very visceral and personalized answer. Something about the mundane details of everyday life empower those who hold them dear, and those are the passionate arguments I want to bring to the forefront of your consciousness. Nothing is more fun to debate then mostly irrelevant personal choices!
As for other consistent material? I believe in a community type forum to find my inspiration. Yes its lazy but if I had my way every blog would be about some ridiculously nerdy endeavor and I have yet to crawl into that "basement blogger" mentality.
That brings no ill will toward basement bloggers who I'm sure I share more than a few common threads with...except that I'm writing this in a living room and have a girlfriend! Sucks to be you weirdoes! So please do not hesitate to email me with any and all suggestions. Want to see how proficient I am at recalling and imparting my views on terrible movies? Ask about that. Want to humiliate me by asking me to dissect the most basic of junior high algebra equations? Inquire within!
So in closing, thanks for sticking around for the conclusion paragraph! If you enjoy my shtick, send messages to the Plain Dealer's film critic Clint O'Conner to give me an internship. For the record Clint, I have no qualms with being referred to as Boy Wonder and will *sigh* see whatever God awful flicks Martin Lawrence, Nick Cage, Eddie Murphy, etc etc put out so you don't have to.
On the other hand, if you find yourself completely repulsed by my writing style and overall point of view...jokes on you I already get credit on my counter for you reading this!
Also just be grateful that this is all I have to offer the internet. Sure I could squeeze into some tights and record backyard wrestling moves under the pseudonym el Matador or create full length re-enactments of Law & Order episodes with myself playing the Brisco character but my academic counselors believe that does not qualify as working toward being a professional writer. Go Figure. Well that is neither here nor there since I will be saving both of those concepts until sweeps week anyways.
Finally for all those in between, welcome to my blog! Or as I imagine Newsweek will be referring to it soon enough as "The inner workings of a handsome, brilliant and incredibly humble genius."
On the other hand, if you find yourself completely repulsed by my writing style and overall point of view...jokes on you I already get credit on my counter for you reading this!
Also just be grateful that this is all I have to offer the internet. Sure I could squeeze into some tights and record backyard wrestling moves under the pseudonym el Matador or create full length re-enactments of Law & Order episodes with myself playing the Brisco character but my academic counselors believe that does not qualify as working toward being a professional writer. Go Figure. Well that is neither here nor there since I will be saving both of those concepts until sweeps week anyways.
Finally for all those in between, welcome to my blog! Or as I imagine Newsweek will be referring to it soon enough as "The inner workings of a handsome, brilliant and incredibly humble genius."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)